Why the Good Morning Kiss Is the Worst

          Being a “Teaching-Mommy” (a teacher AND a mommy) is really hard. Really hard. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that being one or the other is easy either, but it’s hard to juggle both. Do you know why it’s hard? The dirty dishes and laundry pile up, but that doesn’t bother me too much. The grading takes a long time, but that doesn’t bother me too much. What bothers me is being away from my baby. I’m lucky enough to have my husband work night shifts, so he gets to be home with her during the day, but I miss her like crazy while I’m at work.

          I’m gone, teaching high school English, from 7am to 3pm every day; those are my contract hours. If you minus the hour that I spend doing my tutoring job at night (nap-timing blog post is coming soon!), I get to be with my baby for a little less than 6 hours a night. Coming from being a full time mommy, my cut in hours severely reduced my time with her. And boy do I love my weekends.

          When I get home from school each day, this is how it goes: “Macy!!!!” (my puppy waits anxiously at the door when she hears the garage shut), “Maddie!!!!” (my baby is usually playing with toys in the living room), and then “Oh, hey honey!” (my husband is just as important. He just wouldn’t appreciate the enthusiasm as much as my puppy and baby do). Then, I usually snuggle up to my baby and give her tons of kisses and hugs. Once my husband leaves for work, we play together a lot, read together, eat together, and just BE together. Don’t worry, I’m nowhere near to perfect. Sometimes, I want to watch Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix, so I will let her crawl around and play while I do that.

I love spending time with my sweet girl!

          I do make sure to take time for myself, but I try not to do it too much. I can watch all of the TV I want when my kids are out of the house, and I’m retired. I’ll have time to sleep while I’m dead, right? So a lot of the time, I make sure the TV is turned off so that I can look into her eyes while I give her a bottle. I make sure that I’m on the ground with her, cheering her on, while she learns to crawl towards me. I make sure that I hold her and repeat “bah bah” back at her while she starts to say it. I often think of the Trace Atkins song, “You’re Gonna Miss This.” I spent so much of my life wishing it away, that I refuse to do that anymore.

“When I graduate High School, then I’ll be happy.”

“When I get to college, then I’ll be happy.”

“When I’m done with college, then I’ll be happy.”

“When I’m married, then I’ll definitely be happy.”

“When I have a baby, then I’ll finally be happy.”

          I missed a lot of happy moments because I kept wishing my life away. Now, I live in the moment. I live for the now. I am happy now. I know that I’m “gonna miss this.” I’m “gonna want this back.” I’m “gonna wish these days, hadn’t gone by so fast, ‘cause these are some good times.” I’m gonna miss this.

          I tell that to myself every morning when I leave for school. I feel so guilty leaving my baby, but I also love my job, and my employment is a huge blessing to my family right now. But what is the best and worst part of my morning? The good morning kiss. Every morning, I go and put a bottle on my husband’s nightstand, for when my baby wakes up. I kiss him goodbye, and then go into my baby’s room. I put my hand on her hair, and her back, tell her that I’ll love her forever (in French. Blog post coming soon!) And then: the moment. The goodbye kiss. I kiss her sweet little head and try not to tear up. I hate leaving her. I really do.

          The “Good Morning Kiss” is the worst. It is so hard to say goodbye to my baby for 8 and a half hours. When you’re a mommy, you long to get away for a break, but then you just miss your babies like crazy when you’re away. Saying goodbye is the worst. But do you know which kiss is the best? It’s probably a tie between the “Good Afternoon Kiss” (when I get home), and the “Saturday Morning Kiss”. Because then, we get the whole day together, and I cherish every moment. I’m gonna miss this.